Tell someone in Wisconsin that you live in California and they always ask the same thing.

"Do you surf?"

I'm not one to shoot the curl. For one thing, my home is two hours from Santa Cruz, the best surfing waves in northern California. Not to mention I've never surfed standing up. The closest I've come to really surfing is riding a skateboard (badly) as a kid.

I can't even snowboard well, but I like to ski -- that's kind of like surfing I guess. Sort of. Okay, not really.

I can body surf on a boogie board, but "real" surfers don't count that. Honestly, neither do I.

I like the water and boats and fishing. I like pirate movies. I drink Starbucks, and they have a mermaid on their logo (what's up with the new/old logo? It looks like a mermaid boudoir photo).

When I was a youngster fresh out of high school, I went marlin fishing in Baja California  before you needed a passport to go south of the border. While snorkling near the dock, my buddy and I were stung by giant jellyfish (I really don't know if they were giant -- or if there was more than one -- but the story's kind of pathetic if they're little wimpy jellyfish, so let's go with giant).

I didn't know anything about vinegar's usefulness as jellyfish pain relief, so I just relied on beer. Of course, after a few rounds of brew it's a good thing I didn't know about peeing on a jellyfish sting either.

It's getting warmer here on the left coast, time to head for the breakers. Hopefully, I won't run into any jellyfish -- or freaky Starbucks mermaids.

• Jellyfish Sting Treatment
• Stingray Stings
• Shark Bites (beware of Bruce)
• Wrangling the Rip Currents
• Beach Party Survival Tips

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